Mitigating Shame

Four years ago, I created a project entitled "Shame For Me Is..." Every day for two weeks, I explored a scenario that provoked a feeling of shame. At the time, I was nervous to share this on social media, yet the empathetic responses that poured in were encouraging. I definitely wasn't alone.

Brene Brown defines shame as "the painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." We set ourselves up to experience shame when we attach our self-worth to how others perceive us. It can feel safer to hide behind a facade than risk rejection. Fortunately, shame is mitigated when we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding.

In recent years, I have been making a conscious effort to share more of my authentic self and it has been healing. I feel greater ease when the following situations occur because I know that my worth is not dependent on external circumstances.

I'm resharing a few of the project photos here. Do you relate with any of these? I'd like to hear what shame for you is (or was).

Pep Talk Jingle

The other day I caught myself being self-critical and noticed how I immediately felt discouraged. So, on the car ride home, I came up with this little song to encourage myself. Sometimes a dose of self-acceptance and kindness is just what we need to keep going. Feel free to share this with someone who needs a little encouragement.

Spiritual Inclusivity

After three years apart due to the pandemic, I finally saw my younger brother Cole last autumn. Cole is transgender and his journey over the past decade hasn’t been an easy one for him. It takes courage, sincerity, and perseverance to be oneself in a society that is often quick to judge those who don't conform to rigid gender expectations. I am proud of Cole and inspired by his authenticity.

My hope for the future is that regardless of gender identity, anyone who encounters a Hare Krishna community (or grows up within one like Cole did) will be warmly welcomed and included. After all, the Bhagavad Gita teaches that we are eternal souls, temporarily encased in material bodies. Each soul is inherently loveable to the Supreme Person and therefore equally deserving of our kindness and respect. To disrupt another soul's spiritual journey is a great tragedy.

At the end of the day, we can’t be anyone except ourselves. Krishna tells Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita that everyone must act according to their own nature and repression accomplishes nothing. As singer Sammy Davis Jr. put it, “what else can I be but what I am?” Thank you, Cole, for being you!