This photo was taken back in May when I received my master's degree at UF. Since there was no formal graduation ceremony due to COVID-19, I put on the cap and gown one afternoon to solidify the ending of a two-year saga and asked a friend to snap a photo. It was a mini closing ritual of sorts, and this post is part of that closure. I want to share with you a transformative "Krishna Magic" experience (to quote Yamuna Devi) that occurred during my time in graduate school:
When I began the program, it had been ten years since my undergrad days and I felt rusty! It was a challenge to produce 15-25 page papers on a regular basis, yet the pressure helped hone my writing skills. As a teaching assistant, I graded endless assignments, while gaining experience lecturing at a college level. For those who don't know, I was working toward an MA in women's studies with a focus on gerontology (specifically on older women's experiences of ageism). There were times when the pressure felt too intense, even taking a toll on my health, and I wondered if it was worth the effort.
Thankfully I felt compelled from within to continue and was thus able to witness Krishna’s plan unfold. Every five or so years, a German professor in the sociology department teaches a graduate level course on death and dying. She "happened to be" teaching the course last fall and—surprise!—it counted toward my certificate in gerontology. As part of the course curriculum, we interned at a local hospice center. My project focused on the effects of music and singing on older women in hospice. Yes, I would actually sing to patients!
It was there that I met Rose (not her real name). I got to know Rose a little bit over the course of three visits. She was a Presbyterian woman in her 50s and was interested in hearing about my upbringing as a Hare Krishna. I sang the Hare Krishna mantra to her, which she appreciated, as well as some of her favorite Christian songs. She expressed her love for the piano, so I played the recorded piano music I had brought with me. During one of my visits, Rose said, with eyes closed, "I keep looking up." I asked her what she was seeing and she replied, "Lights. I see lights. They say that there are lights at the end of the tunnel." She had a smile on her face.
On my third and final visit with Rose, it "happened to be" the last day of Kartika. The nurses informed me that she was nearing the end and that it could be any time now. Rose had several adult children, yet none of them had come to visit. So I became a stand-in for her family that afternoon. I sat by her side and held her hand, praying that I could be there for her during her final moments. My shift was only two hours long, so when my time was coming to an end and nothing seemed to change in Rose’s status, I began to pray with increased urgency.
Ten minutes before I was to leave, the nurses came in and turned Rose to her side. When they left the room, I stood by Rose and spoke encouragingly into her ear, reminding her of her bright future with God by her side, how she was not her body, and how she was safe to leave when she felt ready. As I chanted in her ear, time seemed to stand still and I could feel Krishna’s presence in the room. Suddenly I was compelled to spontaneously call out: “Fly free spirit soul, fly free!” I then resumed chanting and less than a minute later, Rose breathed her last. I could feel a sudden shift in the room when her spirit left.
Almost immediately after Rose died, a nurse walked in. I guess she could tell by the look on my face that something had happened, because she asked, “Oh, she’s gone?” It seemed mystical that Rose passed away in that small window of time between nurse visits. I felt honored and touched that Rose had chosen to die with me by her side, chanting in her ear. As I walked back to my car, tears of gratitude filled my eyes. I felt Krishna’s kindness toward Rose, as well as his reciprocation with my prayer that I could be there for her at the end. This was my first encounter with the dying process and it was transformative.
Even though I didn't know much about Rose or the life she had lived, to this day I feel close to her on a soul level. We shared a magical time with Krishna at the center. Thank you Rose.
All of the pressures of graduate school became instantly worthwhile after this day, and I realized that Krishna had had a plan for me all along. I have always felt drawn to being of service to those who are dying and I look forward to seeing what door Krishna opens next.
Thank you for reading. I hope that each of you have a new year filled with "Krishna Magic" moments!
With affection,
Shyamala Kishori
